Leaning into a state of softness in spite of anxiety.

I’ve always had a hard time explaining what anxiety is without the aid of existing information. Even a much harder to time to explain it through my experiences because that means I’m letting you into my head.

Existing information states that anxiety is an unpleasant state of mental uneasiness, nervousness, apprehension and obsession or concern about some uncertain event. It’s an explanation enough but not really enough for one to fully understand or even empathize if need be.

As far as my experiences are concerned (now I’m letting you into my head), anxiety is getting heart palpitations whenever your phone rings or when a notification lights up your screen because your space is just too small for anything to emerge uninvited. Switching it off is your last escape when you have woken up on the wrong side of your bed and you’re just too panicky to be having a conversation over the line but then again ‘’what if I miss an important call’’, you switch it on and wait in vain while contemplating about the ones you ‘’intend’’ not to take. A mere vibration of your phone is capable of throwing you off the edge, especially if you’re battling extreme phone anxiety.

It is also deciding which route to take around campus to class, an overly crowded one might overwhelm you and a clean route might creep you out because your nerves are always on the edge and the last thing you need the presence of people around or an absolute absence. One has to practice self-calming techniques more than they had anticipated like literally counting down from 10 to 1 in pursuit of some relaxation before emerging into a crowd when they finally decide to.

Pinterest. @The Mighty.

Anxiety is not trusting your words, your judgment and your deeds at times because your mind and nerves have played tricks on you for too long you doubt anything rooted on either. The worst of its definition is throwing up in the bathroom before getting into an exam room because your tummy is just too knotted with nervousness. Your walk in with a pale face, sweaty palms, burning underarms and a thudding chest. Your only redeemer is to sit still and practice your self-calming techniques before you get your pen pacing.

An anxiety/panic attack is anxiety telling you that ‘’you and I will coexist in this body, sometimes I will win and other times I will lose but for now it is my time to shine’’. I’ve (still do) had a lot of frustrating, saddening and confusing experiences but I’m learning not to be too hard on myself and always leaning into a state of softness because that is what saves one’s sanity. Getting help when need be and also believing that my anxiety does not define.

The better thing (I won’t say good) of which I appreciate about a moment of being throw over the age is that it announces its looming presence even before showing up, it gives you enough room to corner and simmer yourself down with whatever technique that has been instilled in you, by you of course. If you choose not to use that room at your advantage then anxiety will have you by the throat.

Having dealt with anxiety for more than 2 years and present, I’ve come realize that there is nothing wrong with having an anxiety disorder but there isn’t anything right with letting it control your life, your goals, restricting you from getting into certain spaces and having meets and greets with certain people, letting it tell you that you’re not good enough (second-guessing yourself) because you are. There isn’t anything right with letting it ruin your friendships/relationships because you are just too much of an over thinker and an overly analytic person you let your head and nerves play tricks on you even when they aren’t supposed to. I’ve also come to realize that you do not have to always live inside your head, believing on anything your mind tells you, especially when you are on the verge. You do not have to control your thoughts at all times, you just have to stop letting them control you.


Battling with your own mind a lot more often than usual requires you to practice self-care (however way that is good for you), wear positive self-affirmations on your sleeves, be around people who are good for your mental health, practice self-calming techniques whenever you get cornered, cutting down the use of social media, have a strong attention control (mindfulness), live in the moment and best believe that you are good enough.
Your anxiety does not define you.

Love and Light❤☀️.

What is anxiety according to your experiences?

2 thoughts on “Leaning into a state of softness in spite of anxiety.

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